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Is it okay to be hard on yourself? Well, yes … with provisions! Let me explain:
While Grady was at a golf lesson, I watched a man get a bucket of 100 balls and drive them one by one down the range. I’m a golf beginner, but it looked like he really knew what he was doing. The shots had beautiful, straight arcs. And yet after each one, he dropped his shoulders, cursed at himself under his breath, kicked the grass, and would get the next ball. I kept watching him, and all 100, he was mad at himself. He wasn’t having any fun, no sir! He was mad at himself the WHOLE TIME.
I thought to myself, “that’s how most people live their lives!” We often succumb to that negative energy, and we carry it with us day in and day out. The vast majority of our “getting mad at ourselves” or getting mad at other people is an umbrella for our internal voice saying “you’re not good enough.” Our line drives might look perfect to other people, but we’re still cursing ourselves out. And as parents we often take out our rage on our kids. If your parents did that to you, it was a projection of how they felt about themselves. If you’re doing it to your kids, it’s because of how you feel about yourself. It’s not pretty, but the good news is that you can clean up how you talk to yourself!
Brooke Castillo introduced me to the “equal airtime” concept, and in this episode I’m going to introduce you to it as well. Imagine a radio DJ with scheduled programming. In any given hour on a radio program, there are set time frames in which music is played, and set time frames for non-program things like station identifiers, DJ commentary, advertisements, or PSAs to be broadcast.
So, back to the start: you can be hard on yourself, if you so choose. But in order to do it in a healthy way, you MUST consciously choose to devote equal “airtime” to building yourself up, acknowledging when you do something well, noticing and documenting improvements, and generally exercising grace and compassion for yourself. As you consistently practice these things, I promise on a stack of Bibles, you will begin to see harmony in your home!
Remember: you’ve got this!
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