This episode is a doozy. I want to start off by letting you know that I know how hard you are on yourself — because I used to be super hard on myself. I always said “I’m not good enough,” first with infertility and then with my struggles raising my kids. That translated into being super hard on them, and pretty hard on David as well. Not so good!

I discuss parents being hard on themselves as I do all approaches in parenting, with the sage words of Dr. Phil: “how is that working for you?” Chances are you aren’t happy and neither is your family. If that’s the case, maybe it’s time to try another approach.

Now, a lot of you received negative messages from your parents when you were growing up. Remember, those messages were not factually true. The way that your parents thought about themselves was projected onto you. Once you get that, once you break yourself of the cognitive distortion of “I’m not good enough” that warps your view of objective reality, then you can step into emotional adulthood. Then, you can say, “if my parents’ opinion of themselves was projected onto me, that means my opinion of myself today is what I’m going to project onto my kids!”

The way that you talk to your kids and your spouse is actually an insight into how you talk to yourself. When you clean up the way you talk to yourself, guess what happens? You clean up the way you talk to your family. I promise that as you dedicate time to listen to your mind, identify the thoughts of fear and lack, and gently remind your inner child that you are good enough, you will see that you have the grace and compassion you need for yourself. And as you love yourself, you will succeed as a spouse and as a parent.

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