Looking back on my teaching experience, one thing that really worked well in the classroom was giving thoughtful compliments to the students. When I complimented my students, I always tried to make it about the character trait that I wanted to see more of from them. I also made a point of helping them recognize that doing good made them feel good on the inside.
Tony Robbins says, “energy flows where focus goes.” This is the key to observing and reacting to your children’s behavior. I have what I call the three Bs, which refer to children and the attention they receive from adults (mostly parents, but also teachers and others). If kids receive a message, whether verbal or nonverbal, they will go through a long-term process where they (1) be aware of it, (2) believe it, and (3) become it.
Now, if you’re focusing on what your kids are doing wrong, which your brain will already do on its own without any mind management (and mind you, my brain goes there all the time!), then you’ll get a cycle of kids becoming aware that you perceive them as “wrong” or “bad,” believing it, and then becoming more “bad”! The implications of this are limitless. We should be laser-focusing on the good things children do and encouraging them to cultivate good traits.
What I try to help with you on this podcast is focusing on what they’re doing right, versus what they’re not doing right. Whatever you focus on, you’re going to get more of that. It’s true with anything, especially kids. As you focus on the good your children do and compliment them in a consistent manner, you will be able to help them cultivate their inner voice that enjoys being good and doing good.
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