If you’ve ever felt the need to yell at your child over what your rational mind knows is something totally inconsequential, if you’ve had strong urges to “fix” something you dislike about your partner, or if you often feel like you didn’t get the childhood or the parents you needed to be successful, your mind is trying to heal wounds from your past in the now.
We begin our lives as children, and our brains are little blank slates. We observe the way our parents interact with each other and with us. As we grow and mature into adults, we look for interpersonal connections, whether friendships, work environments, or romantic relationships, that mirror what our unconscious minds thought was “natural” or “normal” in our household.
Being drawn towards narcissists or abusers is not something to beat yourself up over! It is part of your suffering, and there is no growth without suffering. However, you owe it to your future self, and to those around you, to become aware of those parts of your unconscious that draw you to bad people and bad situations and bad people, and to heal them outside of relationships. Having a spouse or a baby is not going to fix your problems.
And if, heaven forbid, you realize that you are the yeller or the name-caller or the spanker that you swore you would never be, your job is to become aware of whatever it is in your past that triggers bad behavior in you, and then to decondition yourself so you can ALWAYS respond with reason, love, and compassion to your triggers. This is hard work, but it’s worth it. I promise.
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